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Thursday, September 2, 2010

Its gonna be alright...

Sean is still here with me. We are living in an apartment in Little Rock now. Its pretty cute. Things are going ok I suppose, still got a lot of issues.

We'll see how it all works out...

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

:(

He is leaving this weekend...

my heart is breaking to pieces.

He said he still loves me & I believe him, I know he does. But its something he has to do.

I'll always love him though.

Monday, July 26, 2010

The time as come.

Well I guess me and Sean are officially over. I changed my Facebook relationship status to "single" so, its facebook official now. Which these days, means everything.
Last night he asked to borrow my phone. After being on it for a little bit he gave it back to me and said, "I'm probably going to quit tomorrow. I'm moving back to Vermont because I'm not happy here."

It really hurt me because not once did he mention our relationship. It makes me sad that he has no feelings towards me anymore at all and I think that once he leaves, things will be a lot better. The only problem with him leaving soon is he will leave me with all these bills that I can't pay alone.
I have rent, car payment, and light bill. A light bill which is $400 right now.
Heather said that she would help me pay my bills so he can leave sooner, but I don't know.
I'm so hurt, confused, and lost.

This is going to take some time to get use to. I hate being alone. But, I already have been feeling alone with him anyway, so maybe it won't be so bad.

:(

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

What now?

I am still so confused. If you don't like me or don't want to be with me then leave! I am so sick of this game. He just just fucking with my head, emotions, life, and sanity.
One night he tells me that he doesn't want to be with me and that I'm not his type, the next night he's being nice to me like nothing ever happened BUT...BUT he still doesn't kiss, hug, or tell me he loves me. I don't need this in my life at all. I would rather not waste my time on some fool that doesn't want to be with me. I could be using this time instead to be alone and single and work on myself so that some day I will find someone who truly wants me and wants to be with me.
Instead, I am living with a child in a mans body that knows nothing about what he wants in life and couldn't see a good thing if it bites him on the ass because he is to self absorbed to notice anything in his pathetic excuse for a life!

FUCKING FUCK.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Fuck off.

ugh! Whatever. I am so sick of worrying and being confused and depressed about this situation with Sean. I don't understand him. He's being nice to be, but not loving. If he doesn't want to be with me anymore then I wish he would just leave and stop this whole friends-roommate thing.

If you don't want to be with me, then leave me. I am sick of wondering. I am sick of getting no affection or attention from him when if he wasn't here I could definitely be getting it from someone else. It just isn't right or fair.

I love him with all my heart. But you can't make a heart love someone. So, if his heart can't love me then let me find someone who will.

Monday, July 19, 2010

Why?

I really just don't know what to do anymore.
Is this the life I really want? I would just rather be happy alone I guess. Sean is not happy with me. He said he doesn't want to be with me anymore and it kills me.
I love him so much but I just can't make him love me. He said this is not how he wants his life to be. He feels like we will never get anywhere. I just don't know what to do anymore.

FUCK my LIFE!

Friday, July 16, 2010

It'll be alright.

So, Sean called me yesterday when I was at work (around noon) and asked if it was alright if he went camping at Heber (lake about an hour away) with some friends. I asked him who's all going and he said just the guys. I believe him I suppose, but of course I'm still going to have my doubts and worries about some things. I'm not going to let them bother or get to me.
He's suppose to be coming home around noon and I'm getting off work at that time.
I talked to my friend Alison and she's going to cut and color my hair! I'm so excited.
I became friends with her when she did my hair last time. I usually don't make friends that easy but with her it was extremely easy. We are a like in so many ways. I haven't saw her in forever so I'm pretty excited about it.

Also tonight is the bar thing.
I'm still pretty excited for that as well, I just hope I don't spend that much money. eeek.
Goodbye folks!

-Rachel